demons always seem more merrier then the angels

there are more people that wear masks now. more appearing as i speak. the masks are plain and black, i don't know them

let me tell you a story, set in the desert, a story of how i flung myself into a pit, as a sacrifice. now in this pit there was a tiger, a man eating tiger that has been starved for days.
now due to the nature of these things the tiger quickly set upon me, though ate me slowly, first my feet, then my legs, and then my arms.
behind was a ladder, i could chose to leave any time, so why did i stay?

i didn't, i climbed up the ladder...

all the priests and ceremony was gone, i stood facing east, i knew that for certain but knew nothing of why i knew that for certain. i was on a beach of not sand but rocks, rocks like bones, big bones jutting from the earth. these rocks were being beaten up by monstrous waves. these waves were black with lots of shine. no life existed, nothing of man existed.

only one reminder, a thousand orange handled needles protruding from the bone dry rock.

we can all assume that we are dead and alive, that we are vassals to lesser propose, that all determination and drive have been sucked out of humankind.

i stand utterly alone, watching your shadow meld with the city's walls, i suffer too the great depression, not the sill financial one that we put upon ourselves, but a much deeper one that strikes the bones, you left and i left you to your demise. i could have stopped it, selfish ambition got in the way of that.

bye bye nina

i have done what i have done and it'll be as it will be

i'm feeling a tad bit giddy, very giddy

this is a scary world we live in.

my folly, my inability, my lack of sense, my hope for major change from minimal shifts, have found me wanting

do you believe in fate, would you believe it with me?

sitting on an empty space, i'll try find ways to save your face.
but history shows no gains, as i sit upon my empty space.
yet i think with lips i can, i think i'll show the promised land...

hmmmnnnnnnnn

I think I've found the meaning in my life, or the lack of should I say. I've come to the conclusion that life only has meaning if you make it so. in a world where differing views are published and now seen globally, the old traditions of the many walks of life are non-existent, we live where copy and paste are the norm and individual thinking the minority, and as such we base our lives on ideas, or templates so far-flung from us that we are constantly lead into participating in these strange affairs. I implore you then to contemplate this, we are in some form of educational department for the first 25yrs of our life. 25yrs is more then half of your ACTIVE life, we are putting our children that we wish to have at risk because it is better for us, sorry, more convenient to have then at a later stage in our life. an only child cannot play with his father because hes father is developed arthritis in the hip. what world is that?? you cannot even bear more then one child because of your age. we've put aside nature so that we can ascertains a place in a virtual world of our own making, the way I see it, we've created this world, everything bad, everything good, and only we can change it...

up the tempo

what happens to a man, who takes solace in fierce competition, when you tell him he cannot compete? does he become more of a man, or lose all that it is to be human?

i believe he becomes nothing, he instead becomes a vessel of pure emptiness. he loses all emotion, all drive.he becomes an equal, part of the never ending masses that spring up when choices have to be made, choices that will undoubttly have an adverse effect on other humans. that is what society is missing at the very moment, a legion of intransigent, faithful, unyielding and veracious man, that have the very human instinct of being superior to equal person beside him.

I've never wanted the warmth of another person so bad. i want to feel the skin of a beauty, and i want it now

i want to write a book, it starts now.

i've rid myself of this evil. . . . . . i think

i hope I'm a plague on you, i hope you did not forget about me, i hope you still see my face, as i do of you!

its funny, I'm now just another statistic for your ass, another person fucked up by that illogical thing called love, i hate it yet i cannot seem to sate it, and in the end dispose of it, it's funny, that you are able to be the one focus in my up-in-the-air life doesn't seem at all right, its funny.

i can't read, i can't think, i can't sleep, i can't dream, i can't run, i can't talk, i can't do much at all.

i see people, and i create people, i wanna them to leave, but ask them to stay,

i withdrawing again, but the strange thing unlike last time is that i don't want too, someone stays on my mind. hhhmmm

i got it, I'll flip a coin on it

people who claw at me don't understand that I'm more then capable and quite willing to claw back

to the one person that reads this:
i love you deeply, and i want you by my side

i grow tired of this game, bring closure i must, talk to her i will

I'm nothing more then a killer in my head. i guess that leaves my hands clean

o faithful blog, I'm amiss, like I'm can't walk but i am somehow am, my oneiric life, where nothing makes sense, I've falling in the rabbit hole and yet cant remember falling, shes followed,

November

i had a dream, weird it was, a girl that has plague changed into the girl at school and then into the girl that amazes me. cant tell you what i did to them

cut me, and show me, and enter me, send me to Charon with no pay, sit with me by the shores of the Styx, we'll see many a foe and many a friend, for the 100 years we'll pay

the water is cool and refreshing, and it cleans the blood from my hair, the plain refreshing taste, such a sharp contrast to the blood I've gorged in.

'why do i do this' the thought revolves around my head, least i know an answer, i do this because it makes me young again, the power that comes with it, knowing that I've bettered the challenger. if only you knew the power that comes with it.

there is a cry in the darkness, yet no-one hears it, and that's the way she wanted it, she thought it would save face. but really, shame has swelled inside of her, she blames herself when its the other cats fault, but now she needn't worry, the wolf is hungry, and a scent is strong.

uummmm- fresh blood never felt so sweet, a pool at my feet, it shows the true colour of my reflection. wonderful contortions

the wolf smiles as best as a wolf does, then selects a mask from the ancient galleries, and places it on his face as a lover would place their hand on true loves breast. gently

life's too hard to tell if you've won or lost, so it's best just to keep your head down and try and beat the barrage of shit.

i realise that you can get everything in life with money, but to do so will corrupt it's very essence, i got everything i want, except this one thing, something small and insignificant to you, but everything to me.

it takes my whole day, hungrily consuming the hours, a plague if you will, upon the brain, what to do. tut tut

to walk in the sunlight of a new day
to feel the fresh wind from the east
to smell the pungent scent of flowers in bloom
is to be in heaven,such is the comedy

to bravely go where no man has went before

i want to be apart of this world that i haven't been in, but i lack knowledge on how to properly to conduct oneself

passion

nothing compares
when i oft' stare
at big brown eyes
feelings don't lie
love's in the air

the line

i don't get she whats shes playing at, it's that fear that you get when your friend gets separated from you in some line, you both still see each other, you just can't get to each other.
i'm being dragged thought that fear right know, she was ahead of me in the line and i was complacent, but then she looked back and desires that laid dormant resurface.
but now shes turned back, but i still want her

why do this? teaser

everything is saturated

one year

one year away to the date i will mention the person whose complexion has stolen my eyes for there own, the red ink in the book of my life, for the last one year.

the riddle
a little girl peers in to the darkness, the waves rage around her, hammering the side of the ship as one does with a ram. but then, the storm calms and from the abyss rises an beast, staring with gorgeous eyes, he says its you i want.

meet an interesting guy yesterday,, i should have been scared but i was curious instead. and i think he enjoyed my company.

my hour with the convicted gun for hire

you don't know me,
an' I don't know you,
this thing we think we had was,
t'is untrue,
made on fragile boulders,
it wouldn't last

STRONGBOW

i think i'm handling this quite well.

it was a thing we had

the fire is gone, though some say that it was never burning, whats left is only the strong glow of embers, that at any moment can relight, but needn't wait cause it will either be now or never at all, and my bet is never at all.

i really want someone to talk too, face to face, its what i miss the most now, no more face to face talks with people who aren't drunk, i miss the body language, the real laughs, the smiles, to look into someones eyes, all those things seem to be unappreciated now, but i guess I'm old fashioned and cannot keep up with what the world thinks i should be doing, mindless sex, alcohol, and drugs, i cannot do it, to defy my ethics for pleasure, forget my morals so that i can yield to temptation and therefore wiping it out, i just don't know anymore, my symbols have been desecrated, and i know not what to do, it just seems like this place, this circus of anarchy just seems to encompass more and more ground, and i stand on the brink, i look in to see the sadistic pleasures to be had, and then i look behind me, an ocean of golden brown swaying with the wind, but no one is in the fields, everyone is enjoying the circus, and now the decision, join the hoard and become part of the orgy, or sit in the fields and enjoy what no one else enjoys, I'll take to the fields, and enjoy the pleasures of peace and serenity, would you join me? if you had the choice, would you join me? let me show you the things to be had, wonders, glorious wonders to be found, but would you allow yourself to join me, or walk through the golden arches of the circus, where you may take your pick, masochism or sadism, and enjoy your perverted pleasures, until you start to search for more, which you will, after all it will start to get tiring and routine, you'll look for that something, you'll need that something.

fuck this virtual world we live in, it has diluted the splendor of meeting people face to face, and know i cannot tell someone i miss them, but it hurts so bad, to see there pictures every night just makes it worst and i think they've forgotten about me, but i can't for what i shared with them i shared with no one else, they might be oblivious to that fact but i'm not, i need to escape but i dont want to escape without her, i'll be stuck on that godforsaken site until i have her or she leaves.

theres a shark hunting me

the first time i'm actually lost for words, there feels like there is a bowling ball on my chest, i cannot breathe, i don't know what to do, i've lost her, i've lost her for good, i don't think i can get, fuck, this time its for real, i've lost her, my gold, i've lost her, i've lost to an unknown, obtrusive mother fucker, i couldn't go near, and he couldn't say away and he gets the girls, love lost out to infatuation, this has rocked the basis of everything that i had believed in, wow, fuck, i lost out because i was to chicken shit to ask and now that she is gone and work up the courage because someone else has her, my girl. my November, my ray of light in the darkness, fuck

have i been left behind

there is nothing to say, except that there's nothing to say.

life is the parody.

shit happens, but we get through it, a clean room symbolises that.

one day there won't be a need for this, I'll have it, something to replace this, the confident, the optimistic, the hopeful, the cheerful, the lovable, mine, the other part, to make sense of this world, the mist in the morning, the wind in the trees, the light in the sky, the other, the helpful to the needy.

so many things i haven't done, new experiences that require others, in not insecure any more, but i lack knowledge usually gained from that period of my life, i just don't get a couple of things.

there is hope, and like most hope it relies on people, someone has dragged me from my chain, the new light has a mesmerising effect. the lushest new point of view.

precede with the mind
its all in your head

god you fucking trickster

what have i become
i've looked around and see that things have gone to shit
i blame my self,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.........,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,..,.,.,.,....,...,...,...,...,...,...,...,...,..,...,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

cancer is the great fuck up in life, its ruined everything in my world, what do i have to do to suck it out, it fucking sucks, to watch someone die, its horrible, to watch the relationship break down, family no more, brother against brother, a great divide, schism, the motherfucking sundering of everything, the breakdown, decomposition of everything.

i think i'm low, lowest i've been in a while, all i see is blue, depression

i was taken by your smile
would you stay with me
lament with me
that all we have said, all we done
ponder what exactly it was,

there is a whirlpool, great and devouring all, everyone will be lost in it, it is love, you won't notice its rip, but it'll drag you out, you'll be tossed and churned in the great waves, but you needn't fear, cause through this you'll have the one beside you, who will never leave.
hopefully they never leave, cause if they do, the whirlpool stops and your on a dry banks with nothing in sight, utterly alone.
i'm searching for water

i hate requited love
i hate losing gold
i hate vibrant red roses
i hate my lack of communication with you

i wonder why all the bad things happen to such great people, while the bad are unhindered, its a sad reality, it contradicts everything i've been taught. that must be the irony in it

life goes on, death proves that

i was called a ghost this morning and it makes me wonder if i should be dead,
i felt death engulf me, embrace me, churn me in its mouth and then spit me out, and it makes me wonder if i should be dead.
i've felt the monster spinning wildly with no care, on that wet night, the crunch bang, being in vertigo, being enslaved to something that has no control, should i be that ghost, my lesson learnt, but still not a scratch, i still speak today, i walk this very floor.
i did my dance and survived, that will be it. now its time to emancipate, though it will be hard, i will make, i will not martyr myself, seek pity, ask for any exemption, i knew the consequences, i was just blind to the fact that could happen to me. thank fuck i've learnt by myself.

you're born, you die, and in the middle you make alot of mistakes

in possession of gold, first i have to make room, i do that, then while guarding the gold, i rise up, hand out stretched, fingers flexed, it was beautiful yet the end result was a miss.
and i makes me wonder how could it have felt so good, so majestic and miss, how could it?

fucking crying shame, i want to hide because i cant look at people, but i want them to see me, to know i'm there,

maybe i'm just a martyr

things are going to change and i'm afraid of loss, loss of certain individuals that mean so much to me, losing in that game called life, i've lost someone in particular, well i hope i haven't loss them, but if trends persist i will lose them, and its a shame for i've felt feelings with them that i haven't felt with any other person.

its crying shame

sun brings change yet my temptation lies in the shadows

hey vanity, where have you gone?

tough decision to make, don't want to leave but i'm afraid this is how it ends, my fault entirely my forgiveness is yours

some people are really adorable, like your favourite teddy bear

shit rains, shit pours

i walked around a corner, and i saw god, he then preceded to kick me in the gut. and just when i thought things were getting better

loyalty, i can offer that i now know, utter loyalty to friends

me casa tua casa

i want someone, someone to talk to, to divulge to, to hold to me and say that she is mine.
but i don't see this happening, and it makes me wonder, just what to do with myself......................................................................................................................

i wrote something else, but then i deleted it because i was afraid who would read it,

i'll summarise it: i feel dumb and ignorant, and i don't know how to help someone that has helped me

it seems like everyone's crying over loss, it seems like my world has turned to black, twisted all that i see, and all that i am, i'm finding it hard to find something to believe in.

your a vague memory
a silhouette
you've lost all colour and shade
the memories kept
they now seem all the same
i loved you
but it's vague as you begin to fade

bye bye everybody, what i haven't done will remain my folly, what is true loves gain, when i'm not say, to be my one, and enjoy all the fun for the remaining days.
it be true when i say to you, i love you.
but now i must go, i'm sorry for the misleading stray.
thats all, i don't want to think about this any more.
it saddens me

bye boppers

come whatever may

wicked and beauty

the jollies to gander in the fey forest, lights go whirling by, with the pounding of hoofs and dreaded creak of a drawing bow, to gander on thy pearl white skin, haloed by a golden wave that descends down white plains to the very roots of pearlescent mounds. thy own hand sways to and fro over your body, to gander with deadly intent, and without missing a breath, to draw back that bow, with one last examination of true beauty, i release, the whistle is music, the thump is death, a ruby snake conquers the pearl, true beauty is dead,

there are questions that need answers, but i think i won't like the answers, got a feeling that i'm about to start a new chapter, its interesting and scary at the same time.
but how to close the old one, and such a good chapter it was, i going to miss it when it finally goes.

if what you propose is true,
i would lie on a bed of nails only for you,
that scent on your body reminds me of that morning dew,
i would be by your side, whenever you cry, right on cue,
i would lay you down on flowerbeds if only for a few,
stare at the sky and wonder how in blue hell i have you,

knowing happiness, with every loving kiss,
to be washed away from all pains,
to caress your skin, with no fear,
of losing you

i'm afraid that all of this, all of this will come to a close
lose everything, your smiling grin, then payback what i owe
clouds a' gathering, pour down, they wash away everything i own
but you'll remain, you'll remain, oh please, oh please don't go
you'll stand in the rain, with nothing, nothing, but we will grow
i need no things, no simple things, as i can lay you low.

sparkles off your cheeks , they reflect my loving grin,
i should try and Wonder how, but i'm lost up in the now
laying here with you, telling me things that are all new,
oh, i'm here with you

the hills roll around, as we toss about on the ground,
i cannot hear a thing, your breath, the only sound,
all the covers will come down, and gaze at the new things i've found,
i would give that look, and place my lips gently on you crown,
your touch, the smoothest touch that i've found,
i would look at you, as long as i'm here with you.

thinking how great life was at that very moment almost nearly cost me it

something weighs me down, my mind is heavy with thoughts, times are changing and i don't want them to. people i've known for a while, and that i have built my own little world around are leaving, climate change is happening in my own little world, my drams no seem harder to attain, what do i put first, my dreams or reconstruction of my own world.

big world or little world, hhmmmnn ta dum ta dum, shit fuck man i wanna go away, i wanna leave, just go away with a couple of things, find a forest, become a lost boy

100th post

someone is chipping at my rock,

a dying fire has been resparked, just what the hell am i doing, to chickenshit to do it yet to withdrawn to let anybody do it for me.
its getting hard, too fucking hard, i'm going to lose her, i know it, and that's the worst thing about it, i know it, our lives will separate and i wont see her, ever, and i'll just keep thinking about what i should have done.
only the memory will remain, i gotta change it.
November is a scapegoat, a pseudo name, nothing more then mere code, the one i want, i see every week, yet i try not to let myself put into a situation that would be unknown of to me, new waters, deep dark new waters

my brown eye girl.

how powerful are these words

i love you

a ramble-ar ramble-ar ramble-ar gamble

i worry for a possession of mine that isn't really mine

what is november any more? someone answer? please?

you were amiss, the space where you sat empty, only the hint of your perfume remains, exotic flavours, too hard to single out one particular scent in the grand masterpiece.
i take a slow, deep breath in, trying to figure out a name to place in its absence, but, i don't know.
for how can i place such a mundane word to such poignant smell, but, i think november would do, don't you?

its fun to lose, and to pretend

i think i'm dumb or maybe just happy

sweet November, its been to long, your picture has blurred with emotion, strange colours seep into the fray and pull and tug at your face, all i have now are memories, and i'll cherish them, love them, i promise i will never forget the emotions that i felt with you and you alone.

this cannot, will not be the end

i hope so

awhile ago i felt bliss after pain, and i have to thank a friend for that.

who's watching over me

emerald green leaf obeys its master
though he remains unseen, my leaf sways faster
twisting and churning, waving, leaving
held without the restraint, locked without locks
bound to a life of servitude, plucked from the very root,
it follows until it hits the floor, then
then its no longer green, but a shade of red
passion, it what we usually realise when we're red
all the is worth pursuing is passion,
people and place and experiences that inspire passion
are whats great,

I've been distracted

don't speak

MOTHERFUCKER