one day there won't be a need for this, I'll have it, something to replace this, the confident, the optimistic, the hopeful, the cheerful, the lovable, mine, the other part, to make sense of this world, the mist in the morning, the wind in the trees, the light in the sky, the other, the helpful to the needy.

so many things i haven't done, new experiences that require others, in not insecure any more, but i lack knowledge usually gained from that period of my life, i just don't get a couple of things.

there is hope, and like most hope it relies on people, someone has dragged me from my chain, the new light has a mesmerising effect. the lushest new point of view.

precede with the mind
its all in your head

god you fucking trickster

what have i become
i've looked around and see that things have gone to shit
i blame my self,
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cancer is the great fuck up in life, its ruined everything in my world, what do i have to do to suck it out, it fucking sucks, to watch someone die, its horrible, to watch the relationship break down, family no more, brother against brother, a great divide, schism, the motherfucking sundering of everything, the breakdown, decomposition of everything.

i think i'm low, lowest i've been in a while, all i see is blue, depression

i was taken by your smile
would you stay with me
lament with me
that all we have said, all we done
ponder what exactly it was,

there is a whirlpool, great and devouring all, everyone will be lost in it, it is love, you won't notice its rip, but it'll drag you out, you'll be tossed and churned in the great waves, but you needn't fear, cause through this you'll have the one beside you, who will never leave.
hopefully they never leave, cause if they do, the whirlpool stops and your on a dry banks with nothing in sight, utterly alone.
i'm searching for water

i hate requited love
i hate losing gold
i hate vibrant red roses
i hate my lack of communication with you

i wonder why all the bad things happen to such great people, while the bad are unhindered, its a sad reality, it contradicts everything i've been taught. that must be the irony in it

life goes on, death proves that

i was called a ghost this morning and it makes me wonder if i should be dead,
i felt death engulf me, embrace me, churn me in its mouth and then spit me out, and it makes me wonder if i should be dead.
i've felt the monster spinning wildly with no care, on that wet night, the crunch bang, being in vertigo, being enslaved to something that has no control, should i be that ghost, my lesson learnt, but still not a scratch, i still speak today, i walk this very floor.
i did my dance and survived, that will be it. now its time to emancipate, though it will be hard, i will make, i will not martyr myself, seek pity, ask for any exemption, i knew the consequences, i was just blind to the fact that could happen to me. thank fuck i've learnt by myself.

you're born, you die, and in the middle you make alot of mistakes

in possession of gold, first i have to make room, i do that, then while guarding the gold, i rise up, hand out stretched, fingers flexed, it was beautiful yet the end result was a miss.
and i makes me wonder how could it have felt so good, so majestic and miss, how could it?

fucking crying shame, i want to hide because i cant look at people, but i want them to see me, to know i'm there,

maybe i'm just a martyr

things are going to change and i'm afraid of loss, loss of certain individuals that mean so much to me, losing in that game called life, i've lost someone in particular, well i hope i haven't loss them, but if trends persist i will lose them, and its a shame for i've felt feelings with them that i haven't felt with any other person.

its crying shame

sun brings change yet my temptation lies in the shadows

hey vanity, where have you gone?

tough decision to make, don't want to leave but i'm afraid this is how it ends, my fault entirely my forgiveness is yours

some people are really adorable, like your favourite teddy bear

shit rains, shit pours