u

pro-Your smile
con-nothing
pro-your hair
con-nothing
pro-your body
con-nothing
pro-the way you dress
con-nothing
pro-your humour
con--nothing
pro-your laugh
con-nothing
pro-your lips
con- nothing
pro-your truly magnificent, captivating mind

what would i do with out you

went to the city today, been awhile since my last venture, actually haven't been there since i lived in the city, and i was shocked, not at the old buildings, it was the new ones (David Jones in particular), people, people, people, a sudden rise in vanity, it was disturbing, seeing manicured men stride with superficial women wheeling top of the line prams, spoilt brats dawdle besides them with grandparents only living through the expenses paid by so called elitist, all the while families try to out do each other with how much they spend.

it felt like the world has turned into some fake play land.
it made physically sick
fucking commersalism

what the world comes to

you're going to have to click on the picture to read it

what the fuck is this world, running to? you didn't leave a message, at least i coulda' learned your voice one last time, daily minefield this could be my time, how 'bout you?

back in the day

i wish i lived back in the 1800's, when life was so simple and i could travel to far untouched lands, discover natural splendor, secluded my self with the ones i love, provide for them by simple means. swim with them in isolated watering holes guarded by roaring waterfalls. tell stories of requited love, bravery and honour, loss, and of pursuit of greed. imagine the stories the stars will tell and i will translate them for lovers, sate peoples simple desires in the wilderness.

long periods of time segregated lead to me thinking. me thinking is bad, bad bad bad bad bad. when i think for some stupid reason i think of questions that don't have answers, when i don't have answers i get depressed.
now throw in the fact, when also isolated, i over analyse usually meaningless sentences said by people. imagine thinking about one sentence not for hours but for three or four days, and being isolated you don't get answers to the question you are looking for(mind you there is no question) and this leads to further depression.
no mix this all up and you get i nice big bowl of ' i depress myself, i segregate myself, pretty much i fuck my life up as much as i humanly can' soup.

wow that relieves the senses a bit.

ALONE AGAIN

JUST WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS SHIT!!
i don't understand why I'm being ignored, it all seemed so good no things are turning sour. WHY? was it just that one line?

dark seclusion entice me, pull me away from what I know, persuade me with perversion, seduce me with glimpses of wonderful atrocities. allowing for the audacious behaviour, fuelling an orgy of pleasure.

don't trust the human race, but have complete faith in them to survive, no matter what moral codes need to be broken

whats my problem, i feel like I'm trying to start fights with people i know, i feel angry and depressed at the same time.

i felt good two seconds ago, now i feel like i want to kill myself again, what is this shit, god must be mocking me, fucking joker, clown, why do high powers enjoy such irresponsibility, why can they play tricks all day

just what the fuck am i saying

confession

I've never wanted you so much, it burns, for the first time i cried last night in my bed 'cause i wasn't next to you, i want to wrap my arms you and hug you 'till we become one being, i miss talking to you, your the sun to my dark mind, and you, for the first time didn't speak to me, it was like you ignored me. I'm trying to figure out why but cannot point out a cause.
i still remember the first time you touched me, it shocked me and amazed me at the same time, the first person ever to do that. i left with a buzz that night, you probably think I'm petty, that it was nothing, but you don't understand my life, I've done so well to cloud myself, make me known to no one, no one knows anything, to any big extent, because I've allowed and encouraged it that way. yesterday i failed for the first time, I'm not copying well with it. can you tell?
this is my first ever confession

pe-pole

nuts, driven in circles, nuts, lost my head, driven mad by desires, holding myself in check, struggling, i feel rejected without ever been spoken to. Friends turn enemies in my head, what do i say?
what to say?
someone speak to me?
i feel unwanted, like a baby left outside a door for unknown strangers

i have been gagged. and the person who did the deed was me. i think it better for me not to talk. I've done this before and it hasn't worked but hey whats different now. nothing! because I've left it that way. i suck

on a lighter note I'm devastated

..

hole

unknowns, i love the unknowns yet i fear them, i would be nothing without them. they make me.
they make me
I'm made by unknown means. I'm meaningless.
lost in a hole. venturing in this wonderland. where nothing means anything. where everything is in a state of paradox.

i love it

one moment please!

with that I'm shot down, twirling uncontrollably, a puppet to the weak air, following my masters demands downward. forced down my throat i struggle to breathe.

i just bought vodka for no reason

why do i need o put a fucking title?

unnecessary evils, following Banksy, spending money easily, love hurts, inconceivable, mystery, perfume, smell, taste, skin, grapes, lust, Oscar Wilde, basic desires, isolated, smothered, honey, Elmo & Ollie,domination, sweat, blood, innocence, sinful, yields, unflinching, physical strength, yearn, temptation, ladies, morals, matter, infallible, i, me, mine, roses, sun.

the victorious moon rises above the sun
thinking she has won, the sun dies
all he ever wanted was to be with his love
all the while the moon is high,
together they're beautiful
like new lovers pain
they don't last for 5minutes full
and go back from whence they came.

?????????????????

i wanna be a vandal, i wanna feel a rush never felt before, i wanna spice things up. but most of all i wanna do it to send a message.to give something power

the Jester is about to rule the court

voice

the voice is an amazing thing. it can command people to an amazing feats. inspire fear into the hearts of a nation. to unite the people of a nation. sing ballards that conjure up all different emotions. to sate lovers.

amazing isn't it.

values

rally round your friends(thats imperative)
love loved ones
listen to family(they might not be right, but every now & then they make sense)
never silence ones opinion (the voice is very special to us)

morals

Is it wrong to think immoral thoughts?
is it wrong to act what you think?
what is man? an animal, a beast that thinks it is above other animals.
what if i told you about the pleasures in yielding to every temptation. freeing the brain from the confines of the locks we put on our selves with these 'morals'.
don't worry about god's view, he strung up his own son, so we're all fucked, but shhhhh keep that a secret.
people see a need to inflict pain on ones self and others, and people have been doing that for centuries now.
pick and choose sit and lose.
is there any value in """, do people hold it to high or not high enough. do people think that something that good needs to have a lasting bond.

fill in the blank

my dream

i don't want to talk about my dream on facebook so i'll do it here. bear with me here 'cause i didn't view it as a significant dream until the end.

from what i remember it's starts in one of those typical NY apartment style buildings. i'm not on the top level but i'm very close, i was standing next to an old hagged lady, who was giving me the 'ole side ways glance thing. i walk to the end of the hall open the door at the end (no. 11).

the room is painted a brick red (it might just be bricks but i can't remember), there was no order to the way the furniture was set out, shit everywhere. one window, that faces the sea, is the only source of light.

i throw my jacket on the couch that faces the kitchen, and take a seat on the dinning table and turn the telly on. a black and white picture pops up, in the picture there is 1950's tv reporter who is swearing like no one i've ever heard. then, static, then, another, more in control tv reporter, what he says is very important in the story yet i don't know what it was so feel free to make up anything at this part of the story, it be pretty much anything except for biological attack.

after the report i turn the TV off and it is deadly quite, until the whaling of some emergency siren picks up, and then panic, panic everywhere, chaos, anarchy. without thinking i let the chaos consume me, i sprint out the door grabbing no personal objects, not even locking the door, in fact leaving the door wide open.

down the hall and down the stairs and out the front door. and there, oh and there i spotted her (she will not be named 'cause of some personal fear and adoration i have for this person). but her presence instantly calms me, soothes my nerves and makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. i catch up to her, we talk, she seems in no rush, in fact shes heading to the movies. i follow assured in my safety when I'm around her, the conversation heats up and we chase each other around, grabbing and groping at each other when ever we get close enough. she leads me off and then, and then.............................

i wake up (or did i) and that's where the story ends (or does it)